Me and My Handicap

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.” Ernest Hemingway 

Depending on who you speak to in Golf, your Handicap defines your worth in the game. It is, as I like to call it, the Ultimate MMC (Member Measuring Contest).

Truth be told, I have historically had an uncomfortable and unhealthy relationship with Golf handicaps, especially my own. I have wrestled with why I have a Handicap, if I really need one and the most important question I ask myself is: who am I doing it for? Am I really, truly and honestly trying to improve my Handicap for the sake of my own self-improvement and pride in my achievements, or am I doing it as a means to be accepted and validated by other Golfers? 

For the avoidance of doubt, let it be known that I am in fact of a fan of the Handicapping system in Golf. I believe it is merited, valuable and serves an important purpose in the game. However, what I see and experience all too often in traditional Golf club settings is that there is a certain pomp and ceremony which surrounds Golf Handicaps which I find to be distasteful and overburdening. I’d go as far as to say that it is one of the facets of Golf which, when applied in the wrong way, risks turning people away from the beautiful game we all love. 

In a recent episode of the GYH Podcast (Episode 8, Golf Buddies Aloud - Volume 1), Ben Seabrook and I discussed this very topic. We both agreed that, whilst Handicaps serve a valuable purpose, the way that many average Golfers speak about them and behave in relation them leaves a lot to be desired. 

To illustrate this point, I told the story of a time I served as a Volunteer Board Member at my local Golf Club and enlisted the support of my wife and her parents to plant some trees in club grounds, donated to us by the Wildlife Trust. 

As we proudly went about our business, feeling that we were doing our bit for the Golf club and the local community, we were approached from the 13th fairway by a curious club member who was enjoying his weekly round of Golf with his two regular playing partners. A man superior to myself in age with a frightfully proper tone and vernacular, came over to us and exclaimed “Who are you? Are you here on behalf of the Wildlife Trust?”.

I then proceeded to introduce myself and that I’d recently joined the Board of Directors. To which he responded: ”Never heard of you. Didn’t vote for you.” The clincher? “What’s your handicap?!”

I can now look back and tell that story with a wry smile on my face, through restrained laughter. However, I can assure you that, in the moment, the prevailing emotions were ones of embarrassment, shame and damaged pride. How dare this man embarrass me like that in front of my family? More pointedly, how dare he cut me down to size by asking me to admit my measly handicap of 20.7 on the WHS index? Also, who knew a Golf Handicap was a prerequisite for planting tree saplings! 

The Golf Handicap as a wider metaphor for life

Since launching Golf Yourself Healthy, I’ve found both the podcast and these journals to be a very cathartic means of not only expressing myself but also of discovering myself. 

As I reflect on the discomfort I feel when owning up to my Golf handicap, it leads me to addressing the other “Handicaps” I carry with me in life. 

Around 5 years ago, I received the diagnoses of Depression and Anxiety from a GP. Receiving these diagnoses also coincided with a time in my life when I had developed an extremely unhealthy and damaging relationship with Alcohol. 

My arrival at this point had been preceded by years of bitter denial, misplaced pride and an air of superiority, as it related to my self-imposed belief that I was somehow immune to mental health impairments.

I’d been indoctrinated in a belief shared within some sections of my family that having a Mental Health condition was a form of weakness. To admit to having such a condition and openly talking about it was simply not the done thing. Worse still, to take medication for it was not only frowned upon, it was, in fact, openly mocked. 

Much like with Depression and Anxiety, I had also spent years in denial about my drinking problem. If anyone dared suggest to me that I might have a problem, I’d not only belligerently refute the suggestion, I’d threaten to cut that person out of my life entirely because they were “spoiling my fun”.

However, 5 years on and having now finally accepted that I am fallible human being who is inherently prone to imperfection, health challenges and making mistakes, I have set myself free from my previously self-imposed shackles. Moreover, taking accountability for my mental and physical health, as well as my continued sobriety, has afforded me a mental freedom and quality of life that I previously considered impossible to come by.

However, owning up to and openly expressing my vulnerabilities to other people is definitely still a work in progress. I am also continuing to work hard on not letting others define me by their own standards. 

I have come to realise that my mental and physical health are mine to manage and the way in which I manage them is for me to decide and take accountability for. If I choose to talk about it openly, it is up to me to decide if I feel mentally strong enough to do that and to accept that others may have their own feelings and judgements on that matter. However, what others think of me does not define me. 

I also consider it wise for me to exercise caution about who I open up to on these matters and the level of detail I go into. This is less an issue of trust for me than a matter of whether the person I’m sharing with is emotionally equipped to give me what I need in that scenario. For me that is empathy, good listening skills, non-judgmental communication and open expressions of love and kindness, such as giving a hug or offering a compliment where it is appropriate to do so. 

All of the same can be said about Golf handicaps. Today, I hold a Golf handicap because I am invested in improving my game. I am doing this for myself and for nobody else. 

I accept that people might ask me what my handicap is and they might indeed ask about it in scenarios or in ways which make me feel uncomfortable. In those situations, I have a choice as to how I respond to that and the amount of detail I share. Crucially, I have learned the hard way that it is sometimes better not to put yourself in these compromising situations in the first place, in the interest of self-preservation. 

The next time I head out on the Golf course, I will do so confident and comfortable in the knowledge that, in both my Game of Golf and my Game of Life, I have come so far in recent years. I am a better version of myself today than I was 5 years ago, when I was at one of my lowest ebbs. 

Rather than seeing my Handicap as a burden, I prefer to see it as a motivating factor to keep growing as a Golfer and as a human being. And while I’m working on my Handicap, I’ll always remember to Embrace the Rough and Cherish the Fairway.

Kris Lynch, May 2024