Golf Yourself Puzzled
Golf is a game which can never truly be mastered. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I firmly believe that nothing worth having comes easily in life. Indeed, Gary Player once said that “Golf is a puzzle without an answer”. I’m inclined to agree with him, at least the puzzle part.
Yet, for all that it teases and torments, Golf has always answered my prayers. It has been a reliable and cathartic past-time, not just for me, but for my wider family too. Certainly, in recent times, it has worked its therapeutic charms and offered a much needed remedy, albeit in slightly unconventional ways…
Those of you who regularly read this Journal and listen to the GYH Podcast will know that the last few years have been inordinately challenging for my wife and I. Since losing our first born child, Innes, we’ve come to realise that our lives will never be the same again.
Moreover, we’ve learned that there are few things more emotionally confounding than trying to conceive again after baby loss. Imagine then, how we felt back in February this year, when we learned we were pregnant again. While overcome with joy, we were riddled with anxiety too. Despite every growth scan showing a clean bill of health and no foetal abnormalities - such as those which had previously befallen Innes - we still had lingering fears.
As anticipation grew the closer we got to the due date, so did my wife’s physical discomfort and boredom with being sat idle during maternity leave. Tired of watching back to back box sets on Netflix, she asked me to find an activity that we could do together. I racked my brains, initially drawing blanks and struggling to find inspiration. Then…EUREKA!!! I went upstairs to my GYH Podcast studio to retrieve the 1,000 piece Golf jigsaw which I’d bought from Amazon many moons ago and set it up on the dining room table.
Golf to the rescue, once again…
Going back in time, during the forlorn days of the Covid pandemic and whilst my wife was furloughed from her job, she found time to take up new hobbies and engage in mindful activities. Jigsaws became one of many reliable sources of comfort. Typically of varying shapes, sizes and designs, we’d often build these puzzles together to keep us sane and connected, amidst the madness.
Though the pandemic has left emotional scars for a great many people, it was, for Kim and I, a period of time which was punctuated by several happy memories. During those years, we became engaged to be married, celebrated milestone birthdays and even rented out and erected a bouncy castle in the garden, to mark the occasion. It was unadulterated bliss.
As we began assembling our new Golf themed puzzle, we were transported back that hopeful era. Somehow, this jigsaw felt symbolic of our lives, before and after Innes’ death: a picture perfect image, fragmented into pieces, only to be rebuilt and reborn with fresh hope.
On Wednesday 13 November, at 7:39pm, my daughter, Nerys, entered the world alive and well. Everything went swimmingly - quite literally, as she was delivered in a birth pool, with Kim supported beautifully by a team of Community Midwives around her.
Watching Nerys rise to the surface and seeing her eyes open to greet us lovingly, my eyes swelled with tears of joy. The euphoria washed over me, leaving me feeling elated and intoxicated by a form of happiness which I thought I’d never experience again, after losing Innes. With my daughter’s arrival, I feel I have finally found my elusive missing piece.
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